FORBIDDEN

                  

                                                       FORBIDDEN

    

                                                                                                          By: Cherie Mae Ortega

                                I was in a middle of high school students. Not as smart as everyone and not livable. I admit I was hopeful person, but I never believe such MIRACLE would happen in my life. I have so many dreams that I can’t reach, not because I can’t but because it’s impossible. I have so many friends and I’m popular in school but I’d like to be alone and be simple students like everyone. Other thinks I can do anything but they don’t know behind that story. For me, I’m just a normal person who doesn’t know anything and being emptiness all the time. I tried to show them my real self, but it was like they can’t see. Other boys chased me and want me to be their girlfriends but I don’t care at all! For me, they just want someone in their life to stand with and who cares? I mean they really want to play in other’s feeling! There so many boys have passed in my life that I have ignored. But there’s only one man, whom I loved and to whom I ignored!

                                At first, I don’t really care what love is, not until he came. He’s name is Tristan Sterol. I first met him through I entered the club in our city, for writer’s only. My dream that time is to become a writer, so I applied the club and start practicing writing stories. At first, I didn’t know him; I don’t even saw his faced! But when he text me in my number and introduced himself. He told me what his name, where he lived and where he gives my number. I felt like happy. It’s my first time, someone who text me that I don’t know who, and it was also my first time someone wanted to be my text mate. He knew that time that I don’t have a single clue about which he is, that’s why he approaches me and introduced himself. He’s our president in our club, everyone treat him nice and everyone obey him, he’s a good person and sometimes humble, but he never did let anyone down.

                                From that day on, I even knew him more; I know his past story, his family and his dream. He’s now a college student. They’re just a poor, and her aunt were the one who paid his school fees. But everyone in their family receives a medal in a year! His father is dead after they’re house burn 17 years ago, but his mother lived and now teaching the special children. He says he want to be like his mother, a teacher who taught deaf children, special child and street Childs! He wants to help other by becoming a teacher.

                                I already sense is a good man, and a disciplined one! Not like everyone else! Like it’s hard to find someone else like him in this world. Little by little, I’ve gotten closed to him; we always talked and meet in days and texting at nights. He makes me happy, all the time and surprised me in everything! I guess he feels the same.

                                When a day or two of the months, he confess right under the tree that he loves me before the beginning and said that he really cares and meant it. I don’t know what to say that time! , I was feel like I’m happy and I can’t believe what happening down there. But I don’t know how to say it, I’m afraid he didn’t mean it and if I say yes, will he be with me till the end? Does he really love me? Does he really care for me? I’m afraid he will leave me and cheated on me like other boys doing in their girlfriends. I run that time, after hearing his confession. I leave him there all alone. When night came, I got his message saying he will wait in my answer. I didn’t text back I know deep down inside me I want to half of their stopping me.

                                I lay in my bed, looking at the window, there, I see the moon and suddenly I’ve imagining things. Things like me and him dating, and do what other lovers do. I smiled and from that night on, I knew what my answers are. In the next day, I was waiting in the streets, the streets where Tristan used to pass through his school. I found many students passing but I didn’t see him. I waited there in two hours and I still don’t see him. Maybe his busy or doesn’t want to see me? I don’t know! I found myself in my classroom, sitting in my chair, thinking of something, I was all alone there. My friends and classmates are in their home already and I still sitting and thinking about him. Is he mad about me? Because I left him in that tree all alone? Does he?. I don’t know what to think! Next thing I knew he’s sitting in front of me asking why I’m still there, with a cold-hearted smile. I smiled back then I asked why where he doing in my school but he looked in my eyes closely then said “I’m still waiting in your answer” ,I smiled again, I feels like I’m blushing all over at my faced. I gave him my answer it’s a YES! Then he hugs me suddenly that time, thanking for my answer. So this is what it feels like, when someone your love owns you.

                                It’s already one month and six days when we started our relationship. It was nice having him in my life, he never makes me mad nor makes me feel uneasy, and he always cherished his days with me. He gives me this scrapbook as presents that in a first page we have a picture together, as a return of his gift to me; I gave him my lucky pen. I say he will used it in signing something very important, that my lucky pen will protect him in very scary trials. Now were even! But these days past I feels like he’s always busy with something, some days he have no times for me. I understand it! But it’s like he’s out of my reach anymore, not like before. In nights, when I text him he always says “I’m busy”, “text ya later” or “good night” or he never replied. I’m afraid this time will come that he never looked to me again, that he found someone else. But I always say it’s just a hallucination that I don’t have to believe in it, that I have to trust him. But there just comes a time that I feel it with him, when he doesn’t pay attention to me anymore.

                                When he sends me off to my home that night, I gathered my courage and ask him “Do you still love me?” I never got his answer instead he asks “what do you think?” I sigh; I knew it was a sign. I smiled even if it’s hurting me inside, I looked in his eyes and altered goodbye that I’m going inside my house. But it’s feels like it’s a goodbye to someone you loved that someone you loved that doesn’t want you anymore. I slowly walked in my room and peek in my window. I saw him walking silently. I knew I’m going to cry I just want to know why? Does he really not love me anymore? Does he found someone else? It’s unfair to think! He was the one who came in my life and now his going to leave me without his goodbye?

                                Five days I didn’t see him, he never text and never meet me, I let it be! There’s no point of asking him, I already know! We were in a park that day with my friends. They told me they see me courting someone else and dating! I don’t believe in him, I denied that it’s not Tristan they saw. But they never believe me and always bring that subject up! I lost my control and fight with them. I felt my anger grows inside me. I know what my doing isn’t right, so I leaved them and never get near them again. What’s wrong with me? Why did just I don’t believe that he doesn’t belong to me anymore? That he found someone better than me? I’m stupid!

                                While I was walking I saw him, holding hands in other girls while walking. I stopped, and can’t move my body. My hands were shaking and it’s like my tears fall down in my eyes. He sees me, but he ignored me like he never knew me. That’s where it’s hurts more! He just passes me with that girl, and I left them all alone standing all times! In the next day, I sigh and while looking at the mirror of the CR’s CLUB, I think, I must endure this it’s just a trial, sooner it will fade just like a bubble. I faced my weakness. I present myself in the club while he is there, I’m focusing myself in my stories that I write. But whatever I do, it’s always him, that I could think of, but he always ignored me, feels like I don’t exist , so I make my stories even beautiful so he would noticed me and the funny thing is he is! But as the president of club! It’s already a month now, but I still don’t forget him! I received a medal in a club, ‘BEST IN WRTING SHORT STORIES’, but it never makes me happy! One day, when our vice president sends us a report, that our club must be destroyed, we never agreed so we sign some papers. I sign it already, and when I looked at him, he picked something in his pocket and it’s my lucky pen, he used it in signing the papers and put it back again in his pocket. I was relieved somehow! But it’s really bugging me, why did he still keep it? Did h just use it now? He’s still has it! I don’t know what I have to think! I found myself walking alone in a street, I stopped and look in my back, and it’s like someone following me. So I fasten my walk and got home safely. I’m having a dinner with my family. I heard my dad talking about Aunt Terry, my dad’s cousin, who’s dead 4 years ago. But I never heard he has a son! My mother didn’t know it too. Said my dad just sees him in front of our house, but he insisted of having a dinner with us. I felt my dad really proud of him but I shocked when I heard his name. It’s Tristan! I really don’t believe it; I go to my room and hugged my pillow, sitting in my closet. But I never cried, it’s hurt but there was no tears falling in my eyes. So that’s what it is, having broken up on me after those one month and six days relationship. Treat me like a stranger and dating other girls to forget mean still keeping my lucky pen. And I guess that person who’s following me earlier isn’t a stranger but him! He still loves me all these times, and he kept it in him, he’s stupid! Why doesn’t he tell me himself? Instead of keeping all those pain in his heart?

                                In the next day I give my Quit paper personal in his office. He accept it and asked “why now?” I picked something in my sling bag and gave it to him. The scrapbook that he gives me! I never altered a word; I walk out in his office. I feel his gazed in his painful eyes until he never seen my shadow.

                                I walked to my school. I know I’m making the right decision, that I’m quitting the writers club. While walking the campus, I suddenly think what’s his gesture of seeing that scrapbook I gave him, what’s his emotion upon seeing the picture of us, and reading the last page of it.

                                I see my friend calling my name. I go near her and cried in her shoulder, she knew why! But other’s don't, I don’t think what other would think of me. But that time, while crying I felt the pain in my heart. “Just cry it all” I heard she whispered. But I don’t care I cried all day, I know I don’t regret of meeting him, I don’t regret of loving him, what I regret is meeting him in a wrong way.

                                Now, I can picture him smiling upon reading the last page of that scrapbook.

“SOMEDAY IN THIS WORLD, WE CAN HOLD EACH OTHER’S HAND, WE CAN TALK TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT FEAR, WE CAN SIT SIDE BY SIDE AND MOSTLY, WE CAN LOVE AGAIN WITHOUT CONDITION. WILL CONTINUE OUR LOVE WHEN WE MEET AGAIN. AND IF THESE THINGS WERE MEANT TO BE, THEN WE DON’T HAVE TO TROUBLE OURSELF FINDING EACH OTHER SOON”

                                                                               == THE END ==